Big Love

December 11, 2011

There is love, and there is Love. Let’s call them little love and Big Love.

Little love is easy to find, have, and feel. Big Love is not as easy.

We all have little love. We feel it toward many things in life: people, animals, experiences, sensations, feelings, movies, foods, music, ideas, and so on. When we talk about “love,” we usually talk about little love.

Romantic love is little love. (“Big” little love?)

We feel little love when something from outside ourselves fills a hole within ourselves. Little love makes us feel better.

Little love comes and goes. Sometimes it comes back. Maybe many times. But when it leaves we have that hole again, which we then seek to fill again with some other object of little love, which can be quite different from the object we lost.

Because little love fills a hole within us, it causes us to identify with the object of our love. We mistakenly see it, or him, or her, as a part of ourselves. Then we seek to control it, or him, or her, as we would control ourselves. Thus, little love, left on its own, tends to lead to control.

That is a Big Mistake.

Big Love is more elusive, but less fleeting. Its most common expression is a probably a mother’s love for her child. Another common expression is a wife’s love for her husband. But either of these relationships can be little love, not Big Love. Any relationship can be little love, and most of them probably are, for most people.

Big Love is unconditional love. It does not depend on outside circumstances. It does not come and go. It is, patiently. Big Love can be hidden, for a while, underneath wrong thoughts and negative emotion (in fact, this is the state of most of us!), until we get rid of the wrong thoughts and negative emotion somehow.

We all carry Big Love inside, near our core, but most of us have lost view of it underneath a pile of junk.

Romantic love is a great way to get rid of wrong thoughts and negative emotion, so that we can grow into Big Love—if we and our partners are strong enough to handle the process! Parenthood is another way (if we—and our little ones—can handle the process!).

Little love seeks to fill oneself; Big Love seeks to share with another. Little love clings. Big Love lets go. Little love wants what’s best “for me.” Big Love wants what’s best.

Little love can lead to Big Love, with a little patience, understanding—and balls. It’s not easy to let go of what you treasure, or to risk opening the gaping hole in yourself to loss (again). The reason why we have holes in the first place is because of losses we experienced in the past.

Big Love can heal us from those losses. In fact, Big Love is the state of being healed from loss (which then leads to more healing, in ourselves and in others). Big Love is the result of freedom: freedom from the fear of loss, freedom to choose where to bestow the Big Love we carry within us.

We must be free before we can Love.

Freedom is self-determination. Freedom is the ability to choose how we live. Freedom is power. We do not have to be alone to be free, though! Like Big Love, freedom is an interior condition.

Big Love flows from within ourselves, outward to the world, and we bestow it wherever we choose. Little love sucks outer things inward and tries to draw them from the world into itself.

This is not to say that little love is wrong; it’s better than hurting all the time. But how much better it is to heal the holes that make us love, so that we can Love!

(written in 2008)

Love and Your Life

October 7, 2011

Whatever you see “out there,” in the world you interact with, is a reflection of something within yourself. Love in you produces Love in your life. Same thing with hate or any other mindset.

The world is only dominated by negative values like hate because people don’t understand what’s going on here. If they discover the source of the negative in themselves, Love will spring forth in their lives automatically.

Love is what’s left when you take away the bad stuff.

Love is fulfilled in the world only as people, one at a time, discover it within themselves. When you find it for yourself, you won’t see hate dominating the world, even though other people will because they remain in their old mindset. Love always wins in the end, because in the end Love is all there really is. Everything negative is only a corruption or distortion of that basic value.

You can right wrongs because Right (Love) is all that really is.

Love and the World of Spirit

October 1, 2011

The “world” of Spirit exists “behind” or “beneath” the world of matter in which our senses operate. You can think of the Spirit world as the ground from which the flower of the universe springs. Notice the present tense there. This is an ongoing process, not an event in the distant past.

In the world of Spirit, there is nothing but Spirit. There is no space or time or anything else but a singular essence—Spirit, or Consciousness. There is no “other” there, which is why this world exists (and perhaps others). Spirit animates matter, producing life, and through these life forms it is able to interact with other beings. There is a “piece” of this original Spirit in each living (and non-living) thing, and this Spirit is able to express its nature through each creature to varying degrees.

So, what happens after we die? The Spirit that animated our bodies still exists, and carries our life experiences with it. Spirit learns about life by living it—all of it—Itself. Why? One reason is because the basic characteristic of Spirit is Love, and Spirit wants an “other” to share its Love. Where else does Oneness produce an “other” but from itself, on some pretend level of reality (if you will)? The cause of this creation is Love, which makes Love the essence of existence.

First there was Spirit. This Spirit was unified; it was One. Its nature was to Love, and it had no “other” to love, so it nudged…and light was born in the explosion that brought forth matter and the present Universe. Through light, Spirit animates matter and is able to live and interact with other beings (whom it also animates).

It’s impossible for nothing to exist. Something always exists and so, since Love is the essence of existence, we can say that Love is eternal.

Why We Have Sex

September 16, 2011
There is only one distinction between humans great enough to divide us into two distinct groups: we are male and female.  Ultimately, we are male and female for many reasons—not just for making kids.
Most adults either have or are looking for a companion of the other sex. Such a mate can make our life experience more enjoyable and fulfilling, even though we often have more thoughts, feelings, interests, and activities in common with same-sex companions.

Some couples don’t want or plan to have children together, though, and yet they stay together.  That’s because there’s another facet to sex besides procreation and pleasure, which I think is even more important than either of these. We long for closeness with another person, and we want that other person to allow us to be that close to them.

Every human ultimately wants to be and feel accepted by another. The ultimate acceptance is to agree to join your body (and deeper parts as well) together with another person’s through the sexual act. When you have sex with someone, you say in a physical (and deeper) way, “I accept you.”

(This is true especially for females, who actually invite their partner into their bodies.)

Our genitals are very near our center of mass, the tanden in Japanese, which is located just below our belly buttons. A woman’s uterus is her body’s center of gravity. Maybe that’s why she typically feels a deeper connection than the man does when she has sex: the male literally touches the center of her.

There’s a reason why our genitals aren’t on our heads, or buttocks, or feet. When a man and woman copulate in the missionary position (or its variants), their tandens are pressed together. Their bodies are as close as they can be, and they share the same center of mass.

They are as close to being a single body as humans can get.

In this position, their bodies are mirrors of each other: eyes to eyes, mouth to mouth, pelvis to pelvis. This closeness (physical intimacy) is why our genitals are near our tandens, and it’s one reason why we desire other-sex companionship, even briefly.

It’s also why neither males nor females can have this same level and kind of intimacy with a same-sex partner. Other sexual positions and acts are less intimate than the male-female (vaginal) missionary position, and other bodily configurations don’t offer the same potential for physical—and thus emotional—closeness.

A true other-sex companion isn’t only an intimate sexual partner. The mate we seek also has some of the qualities of our same-sex friends: we share many of the same thoughts, feelings, interests, and activities. Sexual intimacy isn’t enough to have a fulfilling mate if we don’t share the rest, too.

Of course, it’s still important for both males and females to have same-sex companions. With them, we can share a mental and emotional connection that can be hard to find in the other sex. But having a partner who connects with you in other ways, too, is one of life’s great joys.

(Written in 2005 and freshly edited on December 19, 2016.)


September 12, 2011

Life is like mining.

As we live, we gather for ourselves the raw dirt of experience. That “dirt” consists of a load of information that we sift through to select the bits that we incorporate into our view of the world.

Our World View

There are many bits of information, of many different qualities, in our experience, and we accept or reject them based on our present world view.

Our world view, at any time, consists of our judgment of the nature and qualities of reality, based on the values we hold in mind, and reinforced by those bits of information we glean from the experiences we “mine” from reality in our daily life.

We choose the information that makes up our world view from all the experiences we encounter…based on our own world view!

Thus, our experience tends to reinforce whatever idea of reality we already have.

You encounter a million and one things in each day, and you don’t notice nearly a million of them. For example, I might have seen an ad for an upcoming marathon. If I did, I didn’t notice it–because running marathons isn’t part of my version of reality. My uncle Mike, on the other hand, who plans his vacations around marathons, definitely would have noticed it!

There is no such thing as a “good” or “bad” experience (although experiences vary in the amount of pleasure or pain we feel, or in how much they jibe with what we want to happen).

Each bit of life experience comes to us judgment-free until we judge it (again based on our world view!). Yet it has value to us because it is a reflection of the mind elements that we consist of. It has value to us because we can learn more about who we are by noticing what things in our experience seem important to us—and what things don’t.

Life Reflects YOU

This is because, just as life is like mining, it is also like a mirror. Just as we pick and choose from our vast experience the bits of information that we already value, so it appears to us that Life occurs in a manner consistent with the values that we already hold in mind.

Thus, as we are, so we experience life:

because of our world view, which affects what we “see” in life, what we see is a reflection of what we are.

To change what you experience (or what you perceive as your experience), you have to change the way you see the world. Amazing things can and will happen when you become aware of the way you see things—and the effect that your view has on your entire life!

“Good” and “bad” are concepts (in this case, judgments) that many people hold in their world view. How do they judge the “good” from the “bad”? Primarily,

  1. violating their own childhood teachings is “bad” and
  2. physical pain and, by extension, death is “bad”—especially their own.

“Good,” then, is the opposite:

  1. seeing the fulfillment of their childhood teachings in their own experience and
  2. avoiding physical pain and death.

Although all events in our experience are neutral in value until we ascribe value to them, the events that we pick out of our wealth of experience are important to our understanding.

They reflect what we value; they also reflect the thoughts we focus on. Our thoughts affect us in two possible ways: they can be positive (nudging us closer to a clear understanding of Life and Love) or negative (hindering our growth).

Negativity, Growth, and Love

Negativity is the accumulation of negative thought. It is also known as sin, evil, baggage, and negative emotions (such as anger, frustration, fear, and depression).

Our thoughts tend to snowball upon each other. Negativity begets negativity; Love begets Love. The good news is that you are more powerful than any negativity. But you can’t beat Love. Although negativity obscures Love temporarily, Love is always there, even if it’s out of sight.

Love is the goal of growth.  Growth is the casting away of negativity; Love is its absence.

If we don’t deal with the negativity that we have accumulated in our lives, it gradually overwhelms us and obscures our perception of the world. The results are:

  1. we see the world as an ever-more hostile or bad place, and other people as our enemies, and
  2. we lose sight of the universal value, Love, and experience it less in our life.

We become miserable, suspicious, cold, closed: we become evil.

Everything that is done can be undone except death, which is itself an undoing. If we have accumulated negativity, we can also cut it off. The way we do so is by becoming aware of it.

Then we can learn how we “got” it and we can undo it in our own lives by seeing the error of its presence and literally commanding it to leave.

Just as the cells of our bodies are part of us, and yet they are also separate yet dependent organisms, so can the elements that make up our personalities be thought of as separate, yet dependent, entities and can be treated as such.

A negative mind element, like a cancer cell, didn’t “come from” anywhere, but was always a part of our psychological makeup. It has only been corrupted.

It is our task to do away with our negativity. Then we can truly say that we have overcome ourselves and the world.

(Written in 2004 and freshly edited on December 19, 2016.)

What Is Love?

September 9, 2011

Love is all-important. It’s our main goal in this life. Love is perfect. Love is what we call good, though it can appear to be evil. Love is everything.

Love isn’t possessive, or jealous, or self-serving. Love lets the beloved be free. It encourages interaction with others. It seeks what is best for the beloved.

Love is it. When you have Love, you “get it.” Those who don’t have Love are lost and ignorant—and they love to think that you are lost and ignorant.

Love doesn’t change shape or rise and fall like the tide. Love doesn’t condemn. Love doesn’t lie, hide, or pretend. Love has no disguises. Love is always sincere, open, and honest.

Love doesn’t discourage or beat down. Like an upward draft, Love drives the beloved to be better, to be happier, to try—and even to make mistakes. Love pushes toward learning and growth.

Love and change are closely related.

Love is life, death, pleasure, pain, birth, old age, birds and bees. Love is creation, sustenance, and destruction.

Love accepts, and doesn’t demand. Love is steady, and flexible.

Love begins inside and grows outward. It never begins outside and comes inward. That’s not Love. That’s dependency, control, or fear. Love grows within you and you bestow it upon everything and everyone around you. If you Love and you meet another who has learned (or hasn’t forgotten) Love, it’s a magical meeting.

Love needs a beloved, an object—but it also doesn’t.

Love doesn’t try to hold the beloved to you. Love lets her go to seek Love within herself, understanding that it’s the only way. Love rejoices if she returns.

Love cries with the hurt, laughs with the happy, contemplates with the pensive—and hates moneychangers in the temple.

Love doesn’t tolerate cruelty. Love engulfs it, thwarts it, avoids it, or escapes it at the right moment.

Love rescues the forlorn: it can be given to another as a primer, as when you prime a pump to make water start to flow. The Love in you wakes up the Love in others.

When the beloved sees Love in you, your Love gives her faith—faith that Love is indeed real.

Love has no fear at all. Love trusts that everything will be okay.

Love destroys everything negative within you—little by little.

Love is as good as it gets.

Love is the background against which we measure our success in Life. How much Love do you have? Does it emanate from your eyes, your fingertips, your smile? If you have it, you know it, and so do others. Some—those who neither have nor understand Love—fear and hate you. They fear you because you possess the one weapon that can destroy the false ideas they have set up in their minds. They hate you because they don’t understand you.

Love makes you take a good look at yourself and clear out the garbage.

Love brings understanding, freedom, peace, trust, and kindness. It destroys ignorance, bitterness, fear, and greed.

Love and forgiveness are closely related.

When at last you Love, you have made it.

Blessed is the one who meets another with Love already in his or her heart.

(Written in 2004 and freshly edited on December 19, 2016.)

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