True and False “Urges”: The Essence of Human Life

December 26, 2016

This is the essence of human life:

Urges rise up from within us, and these urges are of three types:

–NEEDS: impulses of the outer being (the body) to survive, reproduce, and perpetuate the body (breathing, eating, sex, sleep, etc.)

–DESIRES: expressions of the inner being (the True Self) to bring forth one’s true, deepest nature or character (which is always “positive”)

–GREEDS: destructive inflations by the ego (the false self) of either legitimate NEEDS or genuine DESIRES

——–

NEEDS and DESIRES are natural, normal, and necessary urges that guide correct and proper function in human life.

GREEDS are natural urges inflated by the false self–like cancers. In time, this egoic inflation itself becomes GREED’s urge.

This is the realm of cravings, addictions, attachments, obsessions, and Narcissism…and the dysfunctional human behavior that results from them.

——–

The True Self has these two aspects:

–HEAD, or Reasoning-sense: thoughts, ideas, images, concepts, etc.

–HEART, or Feeling-sense: feelings, impressions, hunches, etc.

HEAD is connected to the deeper SPIRIT, and HEART is connected to the deeper SOUL.

The True Self is like an axle with two wheels, HEAD and HEART, which properly function in balance together. The human Male-Female relationship dynamic reflects these inner “wheels”.

——–

The ego/false self is composed of these two corruptions of the True Self:

–false or incorrect BELIEFS about life, reality, self, and others

–unexpressed negative EMOTIONAL PAIN “left over” from past harmful experiences

BELIEFS are corruptions of the HEAD. EMOTIONAL PAIN is corruption of the HEART.

The ego/false self is like a collection of ropes–each one made with strands of BELIEFS that are cemented together by EMOTIONAL PAIN.  (These “ropes” are all attached to FEAR.)

BELIEFS hold error in place and error holds EMOTIONAL PAIN in place.

The presence of the ego/false self blocks inner guidance from the True Self…and produces ERROR and NEGATIVITY in outer relationships.

——–

The goal and purpose of human life is to realize (become!) one’s True Self. This is done by reducing one’s own error and negativity.

To reduce ERROR, incorrect BELIEFS must be removed.

To reduce NEGATIVITY, unexpressed EMOTIONAL PAIN must be released.

This process reduces the size and power of the ego/false self, which is the source of inner GREEDS–and, therefore, also reduces the outer dysfunctions of ERROR and NEGATIVITY, which perpetuate the ego/false self in others.

Everything in human life is part of the process of reaching the goal.

(Written on August 21, 2012 and freshly edited on December 26, 2016)

 

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On the Importance of Consideration

December 17, 2016

There is a dividing line between two quite different ways of thinking and living, and everyone seems to rest on one side or the other.

Two Sides of a Fence

Children exemplify both sides more equally than adults, who have lived experiences that have shaped their thoughts behavior in one direction or the other. Adults seem to be more on one side or the other than children are.

The dividing line is: those who consider the viewpoints of others and those who do not consider the viewpoints of others.

It’s not my intention here to divide people, but to point out an existing division and examine it. By observing humans (most importantly myself), I’ve determined that some are basically considerate of others and some are basically not. It’s not a black-and-white thing, but rather a continuum of blacker or whiter grayness.

Consideration of others can also be called empathy. Inconsideration of others can also be called narcissism.

Some people seem to force consideration in ourselves at crucial moments, or to be compelled by some inner voice to “do the right thing” when we have the opportunity to show consideration…or not. Some of us deliberate, mulling over moral duties or imagining what God or Grandma would think of our choice in that moment. After such decision-making, many of us then act in consideration rather than blatant or obvious inconsideration.

Indeed, this deliberation, compulsion, and even forcing are themselves “consideration” for others–at least to the degree that they aren’t merely calculated or fearful acts of self-preservation. The outward, visible consequence (such as saying, “Thank you”) comes after the “consideration” itself.

A Window to Inner Values

Most inconsideration appears in mundane daily interactions like driving, shopping, or talking to our kids. (One’s parenting, and its results in the character of one’s grown children, can tell others a lot about one’s side of the narcissistic/empathetic “consideration line” that I’m describing here. Where do you suppose kids learn to be considerate–or not–and whose behavior gave them a daily example?)

I drive a lot, so I have lots of opportunities to show either consideration or inconsideration, and I also see a lot of both attitudes in others when they drive in my vicinity. I often feel that I have a glimpse into another person’s psyche when these encounters happen, either between myself and another, or as an observer when other people interact in traffic.

I see driving as a microcosm of human behavior because I believe that the values one shows through driving reflect the values they have at all times. This belief has merit so far in my own experience–although anyone can have a bad day and speed or cut someone off in traffic.

The same can be true of one’s shopping habits, parenting practices, and in many other ways: talking to telemarketers on the phone; returning an item at the store; working in sales or customer service; selling one’s used car; and sharing or not sharing what one has with others in need.

Although a lot of ways that we can show either our narcissism or our empathy might seem trivial, one’s “small” actions show clearly one’s overall attitude. If a person is inconsiderate to the checkout lady, why would he or she act differently toward other people, in other situations?

A duck will quack, either loud or soft. But it will not bock like a chicken–especially in a crisis.

On the inconsiderate side of the fence, people seem most interested in causing their own will to negate or override the will of others, rather than sharing with others or seeking consensual mutual agreement. It seems that, in their fear–and all fears are ultimately fears of death, pain, or not existing–they are blind to the equally valid needs of others.

There’s a word for this blind and fearful inconsiderate negation of the will of other people by an adult human being: Narcissism, with a capital “N”.

“Do Unto Others”…How?

In a Christian society, there would be no destitute, homeless people (except by their own preference) and no extremely wealthy people, either (except perhaps by mutual social agreement). Consideration does not allow others to suffer when one has the ability to alleviate it.

In our own supposedly Christian society, even those of us who don’t accept the teachings of the Church in all its versions generally regard Jesus as a teacher and wise man. It’s from Jesus (and, yes, others) that we learn to be considerate:

“In all things, to unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

If people in our society are following this “Golden” Rule, then it seems from their behavior that many folks would have others be inconsiderate to them. Perhaps they expect others to treat them that way, and so they treat others inconsiderately in kind, in advance, out of habit or programming.

This idea–that inconsiderateness is a pre-emptive defense mechanism–suggests that it is a product of the “ego” that I identify as the immediate source of mental and emotional suffering in self and others. Out of fear, the ego seeks only to preserve itself, in the belief that not doing so (such as being considerate of others) is suicide.

This, again, is Narcissism.

Ego and Spirit

So, then, inconsideration (or narcissism) is a fear-based egoic thought pattern–as opposed to consideration (or empathy), which in my personal scheme of things is a trust-based spiritual thought pattern. We are always under the influence of one or the other, being led in our thoughts and actions by one or the other.

Consideration is certainly a spiritual quality or “value”–that is, it comes from the Spirit, from the deepest inner being, the truest Self which is one’s most genuine expression, without the contamination of the wrong ideas of the ego.

That same Spirit exists in others as their deepest inner being, and those who perceive Spirit in themselves also recognize Spirit in others.

This recognition of Self-in-others is the essence of consideration (empathy). It is the essence of spirituality and the Golden Rule. It is also the essence of a healthy and functional society, particularly a society whose members claim to follow the teachings of Jesus.

Written on January 29, 2011, and freshly edited on December 17, 2016.


On Function and Dysfunction in Human Beings

December 14, 2016

A human being has an inner guidance system.  These are a person’s SPIRIT and SOUL.

SPIRIT guides through inspired MIND.  SOUL guides through intuitive HEART.

Inspired MIND provides intelligent THOUGHT.  Intuitive HEART provides instinctive FEELING.

Intelligent THOUGHT leads to TRUTH.  Instinctive FEELING be leads to LOVE.

TRUTH brings ORDER.  LOVE brings HARMONY.

This is proper FUNCTION in a human being.

FUNCTION is HAPPINESS.

——–

LIES and HARM come from without.

LIES cause (false) BELIEFS in MIND.  HARM causes (emotional) PAIN in HEART.

BELIEFS replace THOUGHT and TRUTH.  PAIN replaces FEELING and LOVE.

BELIEFS block INSPIRATION from SPIRIT.  PAIN blocks INTUITION from SOUL.

FALSE BELIEFS in MIND cause ERROR.  EMOTIONAL PAIN in HEART causes NEGATIVITY.

ERROR spreads LIES to MIND in others.  NEGATIVITY spreads HARM to HEART in others.

This is DYSFUNCTION in human beings.

DYSFUNCTION is SUFFERING.

——–

TRUTH and LOVE are REALITY.  SUFFERING is a corruption of REALITY.

SUFFERING brings CRISIS.  CRISIS brings SURRENDER to REALITY.

SURRENDER brings HONESTY.  HONESTY leads to TRUTH.

TRUTH destroys LIES and BELIEFS in MIND.  MIND receives INSPIRATION from SPIRIT.

Inspired MIND focuses on PAINFUL HEART.  HEART OPENS and releases EMOTIONAL PAIN.

HEART receives INTUITION from SOUL.  LOVE from SOUL heals HARM in HEART.

SPIRIT unites with SOUL in the person.  ORDER and HARMONY destroy DYSFUNCTION.

As DYSFUNCTION ends, SUFFERING ends.

Proper FUNCTION returns.

HAPPINESS returns.

REALITY returns.

——–

TRUTH and LOVE are the most powerful defense against LIES and HARM.

HONESTY is the most powerful antidote.


Hello Again (A Love Note)

November 28, 2016

(This is a note to me from my True Self, but it applies to all.)

My dearest,

No one on this Earth loves you like your mother loved you. Even she didn’t love you like Spirit loves you. Why shouldn’t you love yourself the same?

Spirit is the guiding Force, Love, and Intelligence behind the Universe. The Universe can seem to be cruel and unforgiving because of where you are. In the end, though, if you look to Spirit to provide everything you need, It will reach you. It will reach out to you through the Universe, and through your own inner self.

You are draped in love and cradled in forgiveness. You are here! And you live. You make mistakes, you learn, and you conquer the wrongness within yourself. That is right, and it is good.

You are doing what is best for you to do, and that is best for the All.

Who wouldn’t love you for such a thing?

And yet, even if you didn’t do these things–and you don’t do them perfectly yet anyway–you would still be Loved.

What do you want for your children? To be held down and miserable, because of something they did in the past, still suffering even after they saw their error and went through the agony of correcting themselves–alone?

Would you want your children to live in guilt and unforgiveness because some other person doesn’t see the good inside them?

No!

You would want your children to move forward and step into new light and a new, better way of living. You would want them to have endured suffering, pain, and hardship so that they could earn an even greater and happier existence because of it.

You would want to see your children thrive.

You are the child of your mother. You are the child of the Universe. You are the child of Spirit Itself. You are beloved. You have no need to go on in misery, doubt, and self-blame.

No one who loves you wants this for you.

Why can’t you see this? (The ego talking.)

Don’t listen to the ego. Listen to the truth: you are worthy of love and you are worthy to be loved.

You carry love within you and it is your right to share it with the world around you. If there is a part of your world that does not accept your love, withdraw it, remove yourself from that negative influence, and focus your love where it can grow and produce more love.

Where is that?

It’s all around you. It’s everywhere. Even people who don’t know you well have given you their support and encouraging words. If they can see your goodness, how much more will someone who truly knows you see your goodness?

Do not limit yourself to satisfy some long-lost directive given by someone with lesser understanding, long ago. You know what is best, and you know what to do. Step out, in faith, and let go. Remember, you have wings! You will fly.

How do I stay positive?

Focus on the positive in your life and eliminate the negative. Change whatever you have to in order to live well. Free yourself from the chains that you allow to bind you! You have that power. You know it.

And remember: you are loved, no matter what.

So, my beloved, Hello! Welcome to the Universe again. You are welcome here, and there is much help to guide you along the way. You have no need to fear. You need only take the first step from where you are.

Do not let that which matters most drown in the puddle of that which matters not. There are mountains to be moved. Move them!

Hello, and welcome back.

Love,

Me

(January 9, 2009)

 


You Have Permission: A Message of Love

November 10, 2016

Today, right now, as you read or hear these words, you have permission to be as you are.

You have permission to be hurt, and to resent whoever hurt you. You have permission to heal when you’re ready to let it go.

You have permission to feel worse than you want to feel, or think you “should” feel. You have permission to smile, laugh, dance, and be excited when you feel good.

You have permission to make mistakes, and to look at mistakes you’ve made in whatever way you want. You have permission to kick yourself for your stupidity if you want, or to take the wise way instead and learn from your ignorance.

You have permission to love me, hate me, talk about me behind my back, admire me, think I’m crazy, wish I were different, and wonder why I’m this way. You have permission to realize that your mental image of me isn’t who I really am anyway.

You have permission to believe what you want, to try to convince me to believe it, to believe something bad will happen to me if I don’t, and to learn the lessons that your beliefs will eventually bring you. You have permission to believe I’m talking about your religion, even though I’m not.

You have permission to think what you want, say what seems best to you, and do what you think is right or wrong or good or bad or none of the above. You have permission to be free–to live as you please. You have permission to see that we are not competitors in life, whether we believe we are or not.

You have permission to look down on others. You have permission to see starving children and do nothing. You have permission to pass by people who ask you for help, even when you’re able (but not willing) to help. You have permission to gather all you can for yourself, so it can control you while you live and teach you its real value when you die.

You have permission to believe you have all the answers already.

You have permission to be confused, to cause problems for yourself and others, to see the error of your ways (or at least some of them), and to do your best to fix what you’ve broken when your view was fuzzy.

You have permission to be a good Samaritan, a maniac, a solid citizen, a criminal, a child, a victim, and a perpetrator. You have permission to try on whatever hat you want until you find the one that fits. You have permission to change hats as you desire.

You have permission to grow rich, to go broke, to create, and to destroy. You have permission to experiment with your mind and your flesh. You have permission to do what you think is right, or what you believe to be wrong.

You have permission to play hooky from work.

We are here, you and I. We live and we die. You have permission to live. You have permission to die. You have permission to live first, or to die first–whichever you choose.

You are powerful in ways you don’t understand. I do not condemn you for being who you are, for not being perfect, for doing things you regret, for lashing out at yourself or others in the fog we all live in. I applaud you for your strength and courage in the face of adversity, and for your willingness to get up when life knocks you down.

Even so, you have permission to stay down as long as you think you have to. You have permission to be imperfect. You have permission to repeat hard lessons as many times as it takes, until you learn them.

You have permission to wake up, to see light in fog, and to stop doing whatever you feel bad about doing. You have permission to rebel and take the power that is your own. You have permission to live as you choose, no matter what “they” say you “should” do.

It is only when you feel free that you really become free. In reality, you already are. You have permission to realize your freedom. All good things follow. You have permission to live in goodness.

You have permission to rise up and walk, or to lie on your cot and let others carry you around.

You have permission to be what you believe you are. You have permission to throw guilt away.

You have permission to enjoy who you are, whoever you are, for as long as you are. You have permission to change at any moment, for any reason.

You have permission to realize who you really are–a son of man, a daughter of woman, a child of humanity, begotten of God in the truest sense of the word.

You have permission to be awake! Or to stay asleep.

Who am I to grant permission? No–the question is: Who is anyone to take it away?

10/31/09


Emotional Implantation and the Cycle of Abuse

October 21, 2016

Abuse and emotional trauma can “implant” emotional pain into a child where there was no pain before.  The child then carries the psychological burden of this emotion for as long as the pain remains within–hidden, repressed, unacknowledged, and therefore unexpressed.

Expression of the pain, however, frees the person from both its burden and the toxicity that it causes in that person.

Time and Toxicity

The longer the pain festers, the more toxic it becomes.  The deeper it gets “buried” by layers of subsequent experience and memory, the more difficult it is to access and release.  If not dealt with, it simply lies dormant and waits until an experience triggers it and calls it back to the surface, to NOW.

The child may carry this baggage all the way into adulthood, creating a “cycle of abuse” as the abused child, now grown, abuses others when triggered.  The child harbors or carries this implanted emotion, just like the abuser did.  Also like the abuser, the grown child now implants it into others.

The “cycle of abuse” is simply the harboring and spreading of emotional pain, like one might carry and spread herpes or lice.  Negativity is highly contagious, and harm is remarkably easy to inflict on the innocent or the unsuspecting.

If not for the experience of having suffered abuse as a child–and the subsequent years of not releasing the resulting emotional pain–the grown child would not have toxic negativity hidden within…and thus would not tend to abuse others as an adult.

If past emotional pain were not present, there would be no triggers calling it forth NOW.  Tragically, the new abuser’s own children tend to trigger the abuser’s emotional pain…by calling forth memories from the abuser’s own childhood, when he (or she) was implanted.

And so the past becomes the present; long-dormant toxic pain comes to the fore; and the cycle is repeated again as the emotional burden is unloaded from one onto another.

5 Ways to Analyze the Spread of Negativity

The emotional implantation that leads to future toxicity (if not released) can be analyzed in at least five ways.  Each of these mechanisms may eventually become a repressed and subconscious part of the child’s developing personality:

1) Injected emotion–The abuse injects into the child’s psyche the same type of emotion that the abuser displays during the abuse, like receiving a vaccination that spreads illness.

2) Imprinted experience–The abuse imprints the abusive interaction onto the child’s psyche as a highly emotionally-charged memory, like being held down and branded with a hot iron.

3) Adopted identity–The child identifies him/herself as the “loser” in the abusive interaction and the abuser as the “winner.”  To avoid being the “loser” in the future, the child adopts the emotions and behaviors that the abuser displays.

4) Unexpressed reaction–Every action creates an equal and opposite reaction.  The appropriate and natural reaction of the human psyche is to reflect in kind (and thus to “deflect” negative) actions and emotional energy directed towards it.  In the moment of abuse, the child is unable to reflect/deflect the abuser’s actions or emotional energy, and the resulting “unexpressed reaction” remains in the child, seeking an outlet.

5) Psychic break–The overwhelming emotional energy of an abusive interaction breaks (or fractures, or splinters away) a part of the child’s psyche, which then “contains” the residual (and always negative) emotional energy from the experience, keeping it hidden from conscious awareness and protecting the child from its contents.

Corrupted Development

Experience shows the tendency of abused children to abuse others later in life.  As children, emotionally wounded people may abuse animals and/or other children; as adults, they may abuse other adults, too.

Thus, as “they” say, hurt people hurt people.  Unfortunately, the most toxic, negative, harmful, and abusive people are often those who have been hurt the most as children.  Though heartbreaking to consider, the “cycle of abuse” does not excuse grown people from spreading their emotional pain to others, most especially to children.

Abuse corrupts the child’s personality development–unless and until the emotional effects of the abusive incident(s) are corrected.  This happens when the injection is extracted, the imprint is removed, the identity is disowned, the reaction is allowed, or the break is mended.

This correction happens after the pain resulting from abuse or trauma is expressed through emotional release.


Honoring the Boundaries of Your Personal Domain

October 2, 2016

The jungle: Here I was born; and here my parents died when I was but an infant. I would have soon perished, too, had I not been found by a kindly she-ape named Kala, who adopted me as her own and taught me the ways of the wild. I learned quickly, and grew stronger each day, and now I share the friendship and trust of all jungle animals. The jungle is filled with beauty, and danger; and lost cities filled with good, and evil. This is my domain, and I protect those who come here; for I am Tarzan, Lord of the Jungle!”

–Opening narration from the 1976-77 cartoon Tarzan, Lord of the Jungle

Life can seem like a jungle sometimes, “filled with beauty, and danger…good, and evil” like Tarzan said here.  Indeed, “the jungle” is a fitting analogy for life.

The Lord or Lady of Your Jungle

Like Tarzan, in the “jungle” of life you also have a domain.  Like Tarzan, you are the “Lord” (or “Lady”) of your domain–the portion of life over which you have the right, authority, and power to exercise dominion: direct, personal control over your domain.

You HAVE a domain and you HAVE dominion over it…already, right now, all the time.  Your domain is defined by your boundaries.

These interlocking concepts describe a highly important reality for every human being.  To put it all together:

You have dominion (the right, authority, and power to exercise direct, personal control) over your domain (the portion of life that is defined by your boundaries).

Just like Tarzan, you are the Lord or Lady of your jungle!

Interestingly, your domain exists and has its boundaries quite naturally–and also quite independently of your awareness of it!  Your domain is there, whether you realize it or not.  So it’s important that you be aware of the extent of your dominion: where your boundaries actually ARE.

Your Parcel in the Jungle of Life

Having a personal domain, but not knowing that you have it, is like being the owner of a parcel in the jungle…but not being aware that you own it.  In the absence of your dominion over it, the jungle itself and adjacent landowners might encroach upon it.

Indeed, according to “the ways of the wild,” why wouldn’t they?

Weeds, vines, and thorns might overgrow your domain.  “Lost cities” may exist in your part of the jungle, but without you ever knowing about them.  You could also lose out on the “friendship and trust” that exercising your dominion would bring to your domain.

If you aren’t aware of your own Lordship within the boundaries of your domain, your piece of the jungle might become quite an inhospitable place!  However–and this is important to note–in real life, you live inside your domain all the time, no matter what condition it’s in, whether you know it or not.

So, in real life, NOT exercising dominion over your personal domain is like sitting, oblivious, on your own jungle parcel…living among ever-thicker weeds, vines, and thorns…while adjacent landowners ignore your boundaries…and you wonder why you lack “friendship and trust”.

The Boundaries of Your Realm

“Exercising dominion over your domain” is also known as defining and enforcing your personal boundaries.  Interestingly, you can only exercise your dominion to the degree that 1) you are aware that you have it and 2) you believe that you can use it!

Weeds, vines, and thorns don’t have to grow up over the “lost cities” within your realm.  You can uproot them or hack them down.  Your neighbors don’t have to encroach upon the edges of your parcel.  You can build fences to keep out “danger” and “evil”–with gates to allow “friendship and trust” and “beauty” and “good” to enter.

Where, then, do these boundaries exist?  What is the extent of one’s personal domain?  At what point do neighbors begin to trespass on it if boundaries aren’t enforced?

Where, indeed, do “I” end and “you” begin?  This is how a recovering codependent, people-pleaser, fixer, enabler, and/or target of Narcissistic abuse might ask the question.

One’s domain ends with the extent of one’s own personal responsibility for oneself…and for others who depend upon oneself (the ones who can’t be responsible for themselves).  Every mature adult is responsible for his or her own domain.  By the same token, no one is responsible for another mature adult’s domain.

These realms of life are part of nearly every adult’s personal domain:

personal hygiene, belongings and property, procuring room and board, choice and acquisition of clothing, receiving medical care, getting to work, doing one’s job, handling financial matters, getting an education or training, child care, and responsibility for all of the above with one’s own child(ren)

The violation of another person’s domain through deception, coercion, or force is called abuse.  Taking another person’s responsibilities upon oneself is called enabling.  Both are results of a mature adult not exercising dominion.

Boundaries, then, work in both directions: they keep others from violating our domain, even as they prevent us from violating theirs.  Exercising dominion causes us to honor everyone’s boundaries, not only our own.

Honoring personal boundaries is called respect.

The Expanding Domain

Note that one’s own children are within one’s own domain.  Note also, however, that one’s own children are also within the domain of the children’s other parent. This presents many opportunities to honor (or violate) each other’s boundaries.

Note also that every child has his or her own personal domain, which starts out very small and expands as the child learns, grows, and matures.  From birth, even the smallest child has a domain that exists within the boundaries of (but also independently of) his or her parents’ domains.

This fact has great importance in the raising of children who will become emotionally and psychologically healthy (mature) adults.

A mature adult has a responsibility to honor the boundaries of his or her own domain.  Exercising dominion causes us also to honor other people’s boundaries, which prevents us from either abusing or enabling others.  In turn, we teach our children by our example to respect others (and themselves), and we allow them to become mature.

Like Tarzan, the mature adult can say, “This is my domain, and I protect those who come here”–for you are the Lord or Lady of your piece of the jungle of life.


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