Living Consciously Leads to Freedom

February 6, 2018

I’ve observed in my own experience that living consciously is good (leads to freedom), while living unconsciously is bad (leads to suffering). Anyone can test this statement against their own experience.

What do I mean when I say “consciously” and “unconsciously”?

What you think of as yourself is not who you really are. In a kind of funny way, you live from the perspective of this false you, thinking all the while that you’re the one living your life, determining your experiences, and suffering from the mistakes you make.

In reality, you are not the one living your life or determining your experiences—-but you are the one suffering from the mistakes this false you is making! It’s not even close to fair. It’s tragic, if you want to look at it that way (but you don’t have to). Every other person alive is in the same predicament as you—-unless they have become conscious of their ability to be conscious.

How in the world can it be that you are living and breathing in this body…and yet you are not?

When you came into the world, you had a Basic Personality: your True Self. This “BP” is like a blueprint. It contained (and still contains) your potentials, your abilities, the seeds of your preferences, and everything else that your life experience would help to mold into who you would become. Your BP is who you really are, as an individual, without the input of other people and your environment and life experiences.

At the present time, you are not functioning as your BP.

Since you were born, other people have been trying to make you into what they want you to be. And guess what? You were so little and so dependent on these people for everything you needed to live that you eventually stopped trying to be who you really are. In the face of overwhelming physical force and emotional withdrawal from the people you depended on for life itself, you sacrificed your BP on the altar of feeling accepted.

What replaced your BP was a collection of ideas, words, beliefs, and many other mental concepts that other people injected into your mind.

Your mind, when you were born, was a blank slate, completely open to be written on.

Your BP is not your mind.

Your BP is beyond your mind.
Your BP owns your mind.
Your mind owns your emotions.
Your emotions own your body.

Your mind is a creation of the people around you who didn’t accept who you really are and sought to create you in the image they wanted.

Your mind is not real. It is a creation of society.
Your BP is real. It is who you really are!

Your BP can control everything: your mind, emotions, and body. But guess what? The poor thing is shriveled up like a raisin! You locked it up when you were so little you don’t even remember and there it’s been, in solitary confinement, locked away within yourself, alone.

No wonder you feel so alone, so often.

But guess what? Your BP can come out and play again. In fact, this is the goal of your life. It’s the thing all the religions started out teaching.

You have to sacrifice yourself—-your false self—-to reclaim the real you!

You have to deny the world to gain what is truly real and important.

You have to set the captive-—you—-free!

How?

You become more conscious.

How?

If you haven’t until now, you just started. Congratulations. It’s quite a trip. Once you know what’s wrong, you won’t settle until you’ve solved the problem. Now you know what’s wrong, and how you solve the problem will be up to you.

“He who seeks shall find.”

This is absolutely true, no matter what your life seems to be telling you. If you have faith in anything (and you do), this statement is worthy of your faith…even if only to seek (and find) whether it is true.

“The truth will set you free.”

Meditation is a good first step toward becoming more conscious. When you meditate, you let all the crap in your mind (false self) settle. You empower your Basic Personality (the real you). Eventually, you will connect with that long-lost inner part of yourself and you will begin to live for real. Your decisions, no longer made by the many contradictory voices in your head, will be made by you and no one else. For the first time, you will be living your own life. The false you will be silenced.

Aside from meditation, there are many other ways of becoming more conscious. Self-observation is one. Breathing exercises are another. Entheogens, contemplation, movement, artistic expression, parenting, and simply appreciating beauty are others. These practices can help to establish and strengthen your connection with the True Self.

In time, you will live more and more consciously—-more and more from the vantage point of your True Self, your Basic Personality. You will discover who you really are and what you really like. You will no longer allow others to control your thoughts, emotions, or actions. You will be free.

That’s the difference between living consciously and unconsciously: freedom. Freedom to love and accept and sing and dance and create, to be free to share and enjoy and live in peace. Free to be who you really are.

(Written on November 6, 2008; freshly edited on February 6, 2018.)

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The Power of Personal Responsibility

March 15, 2017

“With great power comes great responsibility.” –Unknown

“With great responsibility comes great power.” –Ven

What’s the difference between a victim of circumstances and an overcomer of them?

Responsibility. Personal responsibility. The victim avoids owning up to his or her contribution to an experience, but the overcomer does not. An overcomer not only “owns up to,” but also owns his or her experiences, rather than attempting to avoid responsibility for them.

It may well be that the person in question had little or nothing to do with the actions that led immediately to the painful event. It may be that the person was an “innocent bystander.”

No matter what the circumstances were–however little you think you had to do with the event–you will never be able to get over it and move on until you realize and accept your own responsibility to deal with the reality of it: its results, the broken pieces, the outcome.

A man standing on a curb who gets wiped out by a speeding car might not have caused the accident (although he was, after all, standing by the road), but he now has to deal with the results of the accident: the injury. No one’s body can heal but his own. No person can feel the agony but himself. He might try to avoid the pain and ignore the injury–maybe by overusing addictive drugs–but in the end, if he wants to heal as well and completely as possible, he will have to take responsibility for his own recovery.

Responsibility brings power. Avoiding responsibility brings victimhood (lack of power).

Why is “power” important, in the sense that I’m using it here?

Power is the difference between a victim of life and an overcomer of life. Power, in this sense, doesn’t mean the Naricssistic ability to harm or control others. It doesn’t mean the stoic ability to not let life affect you in negative ways. POWER means the ability to roll with the punches of life without getting stuck or bogged down in its frequent difficult situations.

Like Mark Twain said,

“Life is just one damn thing after another.”

What shall the “damn things” of life do to you? Shall they make you or shall they break you? Will you rise and accept and learn and grow from (even unwanted) experiences, or will you cower and succumb to their undying onslaught?

Aside from those situations when we seem to be innocent victims of circumstance, as adults we are perhaps far more often participants in the creation of situations that cause us to suffer. It’s very common among us (and even acceptable!) to shift blame (to deny or avoid responsibility).

“What, you’re 40 and you can’t read? Can’t swim? Can’t play music? Aw, fie on those foul fiends who have done you harm for no reason! You can never be better! You can never learn! You can never grow! You have to suffer NOW because of something somebody else did to you long ago. You are doomed to bear it for all your days; you must wait for someone else to free you from your pain; you cannot unburden yourself because you didn’t put the load there.”

Bullshit. We all have the power to unload pain from past experiences. We might not have placed the load there, but we certainly have the ability to remove it from our own shoulders. More often than not, we did help to create the circumstances that put the load there–but even when we didn’t, if we want to heal we have to act as though we DID.

We can pretend not to have responsibility for our own lives, but that doesn’t relieve us of having to live the consequences of our experiences anyway.

We are the ones living our lives. We are powerful, whether we know it or not. But our power is hidden, blunted, sabotaged. We are blind to what we are missing. We cannot see that we have to own our experiences if we wish to move on and live better. This gives us back our power–or, rather, it lets us see the power we already have but have been denying to ourselves.

We have to accept responsibility for our part in creating our experiences, and for the consequences of events that befall us–ALL of them. This is the only way not to be a victim of life, in life, for life.


Ego and Mind

January 24, 2017

In our quest for “the truth,” let us not confuse ego with self. It seems easy to distinguish them on the surface. “Who knows better than I do what’s me and what’s not me?!”

Looking within, it ALL appears to be “me.” When someone or some life situation pushes one of my buttons, the reaction certainly seems to be ME. It comes from me; I feel the anger, fear, embarrassment, defensiveness, or other negative emotion; I think the thought in my head that accompanies the act and precedes the feeling.

“Of COURSE that’s me reacting!”

Nature of the Ego

We think that the things lurking in the dark nooks and crannies of the mind are–or at least are FROM–the self. This is because we don’t know any better. As part of the process of creating the ego-mind, the mind was programmed to believe that its deeper nature is unknowable. This is because to know the mind is to destroy the ego-mind; the power of the ego-mind lies exactly in the belief that it cannot be known, cannot be discovered, and is forever (safely, for itself) in darkness.

Darkness is merely the absence of light, the absence of awareness. The darkness is where demons lie, and from which they emerge to wreak havoc on ourselves and others—yes, even those we know and love.

“Why did I do that? I didn’t mean to hurt so-and-so. Am I terrible?”

It wasn’t YOU who did or said the thing that hurt someone you love. It was the ego-mind, the darkness, the unplumbed depths of yourself, which if left alone only remains to cause more trouble, pain, misunderstanding, and suffering–THROUGH you.

The ego has many names, many lenses through which to operate through you, many justifications and excuses for its behavior, many rules by which to predetermine future thoughts and actions. The ego-mind BELIEVES it has everything to defend, but it sacrifices everything for fog, for vapor–like a robot programmed by a crazy person to secure nothingness at all costs, and to destroy all that appears to threaten its own existence.

The ego-mind fears even a shingle being blown off its roof by the wind, and it’s the wind of self-honesty, courage, and experience that blows the structure of darkness away, bit by bit–in my experience.

Can the ego-mind be brought into the service of the light, though allowed to remain? Hosed off, dried gently, and hugged, then sent to play? In that case, what the hose washes away is ego; what is left to play is a part of self that the ego had “taken captive” and cut off from the rest of self.

Contents of the Ego

The ego-mind is a confusing mixture of gold and lead: the gold being parts of the self that are hidden in egoic darkness, and the lead being the “substance” of the ego that mixes with captive parts of self and produces a counterfeit self that we mistake for the True Self!

Ego is pure ignorance, darkness, and evil, with no redeeming value, in my experience. What ego releases from its grasp when we hose it off, or when the wind blows–when we shine awareness on it–is part of the self. But that part of the self was NOT itself part of ego. It was a piece of you or me that the ego had held and used for its own purposes for a long time.

Spirituality is not so much about fighting against the ego, but expanding our light so that we integrate the contents of the ego into our awareness. There are parts of us that are suspended in the egoic jelly-muck and we don’t function well without those parts of ourselves.

Indeed, when held by the ego-mind those parts, and their power, are used against us—and others.

When we free those long-lost aspects of ourselves, we can welcome them “back into the fold,” where their power and energy now is at our service instead of parasitically sucking our energy. We become more powerfully ourselves!

False Spirituality

Instead of removing mental images that comprise the ego-mind, some New Age teachers say that we can replace one thought with another, but this is equivalent to replacing a “worse” ego with a “better” one! It means replacing something that’s false and harmful with something that’s false and enjoyable!

This is the evil of New-Agey fluffiness: spirituality isn’t about getting what you WANT! It’s about removing what blocks you (on the inside) from understanding who you ARE! No mental “reprogramming” is needed, no matter what the “feel-good people” might say, or how good their intentions are!

Feeling good feels better than feeling like shit, but if one’s goal is truth, wisdom, and understanding—GROWTH—then one must welcome BOTH feeling good AND feeling like shit as teachers. In this way, one can use all of life as means to remove what is false from oneself. Then we feel better for REAL.

What is false? Anything that was put there by another person, or by oneself because of another person.

The ego-mind, emptied, is just the mind. The ego-mind is just the mind, full of crap that others put into it, probably long ago.


The End of Narcissistic Abuse: An Inside View

May 15, 2016

I wrote this on the day that I finally had enough. As I said elsewhere on that day, “My cup runneth over.”

This is what it was like after spending about 25 years, off and on, mostly in relationships with Narcissistic or Borderline partners.  This is what the last seven years of that time did to me.

This is what it was like to finally be done.

For the last seven years, I’ve been surrounded by a whirlwind of lies. This has sharpened me, and made me more conscious and aware, but it has taken a toll on me.

Seven years ago, my second and last marriage ended. There was no closure for me, no answer to the question, “Why?” And I asked.

In my search for answers, I teetered on madness. But I also did a great soul-searching during that time. Never have I swept away the inner world so…madly.

That time changed me. I scraped away everything I could that was not “me”. I remember vividly, at one point in the search, coming upon an image so tender and dear to me that I wished it were part of me. But it wasn’t, and I allowed it to be swept away. I cried as I watched it go.

It was an act of self-preservation. In the ruinous cellar of my inner world, I saw the pillars that held the whole structure intact. I recognized these pillars as part of “me”. I scraped them, scraped against them, scraped away all that I could, recognizing that I could not scrape away ME. It was impossible.

All that fell away was NOT me. It was temporary, exterior, mere wallpaper on the stone that was permanently there. I did not hesitate much, because I had already lost what I wanted. It was an act of self-preservation, the scraping of me.

Then came the lies.

Nature abhors a vacuum, and empty space will be filled by…something. I did not yet have the fortitude or the foresight to guard my emptiness carefully. I welcomed what seemed to be good, what “felt” good to my emptiness, to the space left by my recent loss. And so I fell into the whirlwind.

I did my best.

Nature Herself seemed to be aligned against me as I struggled forward, seeking. I was learning to trust, despite my setbacks. So I did my best to trust, the best I could, and I fell. Or at least I stumbled. Life presented forks in the road, one after another. I learned to choose one or the other, but I often took neither road and suffered the consequences. Or I tried to take both roads at once.

I was actually counseled to take both roads, as if all were attainable at once. “Faith! Belief! It’s not what’s real that matters! It’s what you THINK is real!” Baloney. Malarkey. Bullshit. There is what is, and there is what is not, and that’s all that there is. No mantra or affirmation can change the Laws of Nature.

Flood came and then drought. A record flood! The worst drought EVER! The coldest Winter in years, stretching deep into March. But I was popular and rising, sad but hopeful, figuring things out and enjoying my life. Then, ultra-deception, close and personal, and one more mooring was cut.

Things were still good, as I was learning and getting by. Faces came and went, and I let them come and go. I reached out, stretched out, bettered myself, moved forward. Aloneness. Solitude. Cold weather. My boys. I excelled, I achieved, I did well.

Then I smacked a brick wall. Trying to take two roads at once, ignoring the still, small voice within, I exerted too far and lost again. I felt the shift immediately.

Soon, Life presented a challenge. I accepted. I couldn’t refuse. I was grabbed, shaken, and shown what lay ahead, a glimpse. I accepted. I thought I was up to the task. I would never be the same again.

Elation. Hope. Pain. Confusion. Up and down, back and forth. Anger, rage. Blame. Appeals, denials, exertion, effort. Failure. I folded my hand. Enjoyed time alone. Experienced grace, light, life, impossibility! Friendship.

And then–return. I apologized, I confessed, I promised. It was not in my control to repair. I suffered, month after month. I acknowledged, I tried. I humbled myself, submitted to rebuke, to condemnation, to endless blame, spite, hatefulness.

Overcome and overwhelmed, I left. And found brightness. Lightness. Ease. And then–nothing. I distressed, and it returned. Then went away. Blame. Anger. Confusion. Desperation, betrayal, forgiveness, happiness. For a minute. Then, rinse and repeat. Again.

Pour another drink, my friend. It’s time to celebrate again! Or is it? That didn’t last long. The shittiest birthday ever, but I made some kids happy. Enough of this! No more. Guilt. Wretchedness.

Who did I hurt? Anyone? Everyone? Myself? Back and forth, over and over again. I can’t stop! There’s too much hope here to give up. I see! I see what’s presented to me, and I believe it…because I trust.

No matter what, I will do the right thing. I will endure. Is it so hard because it’s good or because it’s bad? I HAVE to find out! I believe. I will trust. I will continue. I will follow through.

I did not know that I would break. And I did.

Aloneness. Friendship. Peace. Tenderness. No contact. I must heal. I must let this grow right this time. It’s been wrong for too long to let it heal wrong again. I need my space. I need myself. I need you to leave me alone.

Maybe there’s still hope. I will see. I will step softly, on my terms. I know what’s best for me. I see you pressuring me. You need to stop. You don’t understand what you have done to me, what Life has brought to me, what’s going on inside me. I cannot carry your burdens right now. I can’t carry my own. Let me be. I will return.

You did WHAT??!! WHY??!! But it’s not TRUE!! How could you? Why did you?? What have you done? You’ve destroyed everything! And for what?? You didn’t even talk to me first! Does the truth mean nothing at all??!! What do you mean, you were upset? I don’t believe this. How does one come back from something like this??

Hello? Yeah, you were right. I know, I’m so sorry. I fucked up really bad this time. I don’t know what to do. You’ll take me back? You must really love me! I’m so happy! We’ll figure this out together!

Another flood. What do you mean, you can’t do this? Pain. Guilt. Control. Submission. Apology. Struggle. Violence. Drunkenness. Sadness. Trying…for nothing, for no reason at all but to cause more suffering. No, you can’t call me that. No, I’m not as you say. No, that’s not what I meant. No, I think I’m done now. I have other things to tend to. Important things are happening. But not here. This is dead, this is death. I must go.

Blackmail. Aloneness. Regret. I can’t believe I believed again. Lies. Intentional or not, still lies. I see the truth now. Now I can tend to what’s real, and right, and good, and true. I hope.

Hello? Yes. Yes. Yes. Thank you.

JOY!! For the first time in 6 years I can use that word! I feel JOY! My heart is bursting with love, overflowing! Thank you, Life, God, Universe! I haven’t ruined everything! Sweet, sweet preciousness! Yes, I accept. Yes, I am very, very sorry and I’ve suffered very much for my wrongness. Happy, happy, happy! Disbelief. Amazement. Humility. Togetherness. Family. We will overcome.

Or not.

The past creeps in like a cold fog in the night, drifting in wisps that coagulate and form together. It builds up, sucking the warmth, hiding the light, and making one’s breath cold like Halloween night. Anger. Blame. Denial. Let’s put the old record back on and play it. No, let’s not. No…I think we will. And so we do.

Wax on, wax off–or, rather, wax off, wax ON. Demands. Pressure. Resentment. Impatience. Stories told to elicit sympathy, maybe true, maybe not.

Connections that don’t exist. Falling, spiraling, downward, backward, to a place not quite known or defined, perhaps not real but treated as Gospel and preached as such. Material gain. Scores settled, balances paid, debts discharged…or not. Sometimes yes, sometimes no, depending on…what, exactly?

I’m not made for this anymore. I broke and healed. Right, this time. This isn’t where I dwell, but I’ll endure it, for as long as I can, because I have hope and because I’m very happy enough of the time to look past the harm. Not overlook…but look past.

I don’t think you know who I am. No, I’m not being arrogant. You’re acting like I’m somebody else, somebody I’ve never been. What you say isn’t true.

Why do you believe that? Why don’t my words make any difference? I’m speaking truth! I’m doing my best. Damn good, actually. Yes, I know I’ve done wrong. Time isn’t healing. The past isn’t receding. It’s becoming the present.

No, I won’t do that. I’ve learned not to do things like that. Nothing good comes from it. I’m sorry. That’s your choice. It doesn’t have to be this way. Or does it? It’s not something I control. There’s only so much I can do. I’m doing my best. I don’t know what to do.

I’m tired of the lies.


How Experience Can Reveal Inner Psyche-Wounds

April 6, 2016

There is a pattern in my life that has reached ever more deeply into my psyche:

Painful experience NOW exposes hidden inner wounds, and when the inner pain is released, a “lost” part of the self is regained and rejoined to the personality, which becomes more whole–more “myself”.

In my case, there was an unusual (I think) wound to my psyche, related to my mother being a teenager in a wheelchair when I was little.  The wound was necessary at the time, for my own safety, but when I got older it became poison to my Male-Female relationships.

This is because the wound had to do with my first experience with the Female.  I did not, and could not, see this until after many years of repeated painful experiences uncovered it and I was able to deal with it.  Until then, I was repeatedly re-living the old drama from diaper days, trying with the Female (in her various expressions as women) to “do it right”–THIS time.

Or THIS time.  Or THIS time…

The psyche-wounds instilled in us when we’re that young (less than one year old, in this case) don’t just go away.  As we live on, experiences get layered over them, and these wounds just get buried–forgotten, but not GONE.  We all have wounds in our psyches that have been lying, buried, for years or decades under subsequent layers of experience (or, if you prefer, memory).

Experience is very much like precipitation that gathers in the inner world–the psyche–with the earlier sediment on the bottom and the later sediment on top, where NOW occurs.  This is why inner work is like digging or mining for…whatever one finds.

It’s important to understand that earlier experiences lie beneath later ones in the memory-aspect of the psyche. What this means is that we must deal with later wounds before we can uncover the earlier ones, just as we must dig downward–or inward–from the surface.  Later memory-experiences “sit on top of” earlier ones (of similar type!) and hide them from conscious view.

My own experience has proven this to me–in vivid, living detail!

These wounds negatively affect our later experiences–from BENEATH our awareness.  Some wounds are worse than others, but ALL of them affect us somehow.  The worse ones affect us (and people close to us!) more.  What we call “spirituality” or “personal growth” is, largely, the uncovering of these wounds and the releasing of the emotional pain, like pus, contained in them.

I’ve observed over the years that I can use my “NOW” experience to remove these “layers” and uncover the wounds hidden beneath them.  I only figured this out in my late 20s, and it’s taken more than 10 years of conscious experience to uncover this very deep and early wound–which was like a broken bone that had healed crooked–and fix it.

It was very much like a femur, as far as the inner structure of the self is concerned.  That’s how much it affected my daily life–as much as if I had a broken and crookedly-healed femur in my physical body.

Most of the wounds I’ve uncovered have NOT been like broken bones.  Most have been like abscesses that just needed to be lanced and drained.  This one was much more fundamental to the structure of my psyche because it was so early in my life and central to my psyche.

I do not have the ability to conscoiusly MANIPULATE my life experiences in order to aid self-discovery.  In other words, I DIDN’T DO IT MYSELF!  “Life” did it, through my living it with my eyes open.  Even if I had tried, I wouldn’t have known what to uncover, or what experiences would be required to do so!

“Hidden” ain’t just a word.  It means INVISIBLE to the conscious awareness–part of the inner “darkness” that conscious living reveals.

In my experience, PAIN uncovers these inner wounds.  When I experience a painful event NOW, it relates to a painful wound in my psyche, as if the experience NOW were necessary to bring that inner wound to the surface where I can finally SEE it and deal with it.

It has taken 25 years of painful experience in Male-Female relationships to uncover the wound that was infecting them, and I literally have never been in touch with, or able to use–or conscious of!–this very central part of myself that has just recently returned to me since I lost it in a very unintentional and maybe even necessary way nearly 40 years ago.

I have NO conscious memory of the experience that caused this original inner “break”–but I know how it FELT, because I felt it again on January 12, 2014.  More correctly, I felt what I had NOT felt back then, for whatever reason.  It was the remainder or residue of the emotion–the part that had not been felt and expressed completely at that time.)

It seems that, if I had felt and expressed it in its totality when it happened, the residue would not have been left to infect my future relationships.  Another way to put it is that my inner “femur” would not have been broken…and stayed that way until Narcissistic abuse uncovered it and brought it to the surface.


54 Principles of Emotional Healing

November 25, 2011

Emotion is energy, felt in the body and inner being as pain or pleasure.

Painful emotions include despair, shame, grief, and anger.

Pleasant emotions include courage, compassion, gratitude, and Love.

In this context:

  • Painful emotion, negative emotion, negative energy, negativity, emotional pain, and “evil” are the same thing.
  • Positive emotion, positive energy, emotional pleasure, and “goodness” are the same thing.
  • Emotional release is the expression and depletion of painful emotion (negativity) that results in a return to positive emotion (“goodness”).

The following principles can serve as a guideline for people who want to know how to heal from emotional pain and improve their ability to function in the world and in good relationships.

Emotional Pain and Negativity

1. Emotional pain splits and splinters the self and the person’s energy and focus, producing functional incompetence in life and harmful, destructive relationships.

2. Emotional pleasure results in personal power and mutually satisfying relationships.

3. All emotions are experienced (felt) through either repression or expression.

4. Positive emotion is transformed into negativity through repression.

5. Negativity is transformed into goodness through expression.

6. Emotional pleasure is a sign of healing: moving toward wholeness and unity with the True Self.

7. Emotional pain is a sign of self-splinteredness and the need for emotional healing.

8. Emotional harm is caused by negative emotion (negativity) in the person harming. It causes negativity in the person harmed.

9.  Emotional healing means releasing negative emotion from your being through expression. Positive emotion automatically replaces it.

10. Human history is the process of emotional healing—overcoming or releasing negative emotion (negativity) caused by harm.

11. Everyone (at this point in history) receives harm and negativity at some point in life.

12. Negativity came to you through someone else, who harmed you.

13. The negativity you got wasn’t the other person’s, either. They got it from someone else, who harmed them. And so on, back in time.

14. Negative events happen to you for a reason: you are helping to rid the world of evil by releasing the negativity someone else gave you instead of passing it on to others.

15. You are more powerful than any negativity.

16. With any emotion (positive or negative), you can either express (release) or repress (hold) it. These are your only options.

Repression

17. Repression is postponing the expression of (or, holding) your negative emotion.

18. Repression demands a lot of energy from you.

19. The pain you feel (in the background) when you repress negative emotion is not intense, but it can last a long time—even until death.

20. Repression affects every aspect of your life in a bad way, especially your most intimate relationships.

21. Repressed emotion causes or contributes to many physical ailments, including headaches, stomachaches, high blood pressure, sexual dysfunction, anxiety, and cancer.

22. Your emotional pain will last as long as you’re willing to expend energy repressing the emotion.

23. When the perceived cost of repression exceeds the perceived benefit, you will express (release) the negativity.  (This can be inconvenient.)

24. Repression leads to the spread of negativity through your actions.

25. Repression kills. Expression brings life.

Expression

26. Expressing an emotion is the same as feeling it completely, the way you didn’t when an event happened to you (or you wouldn’t be holding it now).

27. When you express an emotion fully, you release it from your inner being.

28. When you express (release) negative emotion, you are involved in the most human of experiences: emotional healing.

29. When you express an emotion fully, others can see the emotion by observing your actions.  You can’t hide it.

30. Expressing negative emotion stops the historic transfer of negativity (evil) and spares others from harm—that is, it keeps you from transferring your negativity to them by harming them.

31. The pain you feel when you release negativity is intense, but temporary.

32. With experience, emotional release gets easier and faster.

33. To release negativity completely, you have to relive (emotionally) the experience that brought it to you.  You do not have to remember the event, just feel the pain.

34. When you release negativity, positive emotion takes its place, letting you know that you did well.

35. Although intimacy facilitates emotional release, the release itself is private and personal.

Intimacy

36. The male and female creative principles are complementary aspects of (two “halves” of) the wholeness that resides at the core of our inner being.

37. The male and female creative principles long for unity together, in humans.

38. Intimacy is the closest that physical beings can come to re-claiming the unity of wholeness in the physical.

39. Intimacy is witnessing, and accepting, another person’s emotional pain and inner ugliness.

40. Acceptance is Love.

41. Intimacy is the highest calling of human relationships.

42. Intimacy creates the strongest bonds possible between two people (except possibly for motherhood).

43. Intimacy is the result of two people’s desire to achieve wholeness and emotional healing.

44. Intimacy and monogamy are not the same thing, and neither requires the other.  They are different worlds, which nevertheless can overlap.

45. The desire for wholeness and emotional healing is a result of sexual maturity (puberty).

46. Through intimacy, we watch ourselves and each other become weak—and then more powerful.

47. Intimacy is a powerful force against negativity. No negativity is stronger than Love, which intimacy can produce (indirectly).

48. Intimacy creates a safe environment that fosters emotional healing (releasing negativity), which results in growth toward wholeness.

49. Sex exists ultimately to produce intimacy. Reproduction is a convenient by-product and evolutionary mechanism.

50. Ideally, intimacy releases negativity before sex produces children. This spares them of the burden of their parents’ negativity.

51. When sex produces children before intimacy produces emotional healing, the children bear the burden of their parents’ unresolved negativity.

52. Negativity is a physical (outer) phenomenon. Intimacy is an inner phenomenon.

53. The inner is more powerful than the outer.

54. Emotional healing will one day eradicate negativity (“evil”) in the world.


How to Find Your True Self

October 9, 2011

The false beliefs, opinions, impressions, and ideas that you carry in your mindset are the source of your unhappiness. They not only distort your perception of yourself and the world around you; they also conflict with each other, thus negating some of your creative energy (which, in a happy person, “flows” freely).

These things in their entirety form what you might call a false self, which you might incorrectly identify as your True Self.

You can increase your level of happiness by 1) identifying the false beliefs, attitudes, and so on and 2) deleting their effect on your present life by recognizing when they entered your experience (likely when you were a child or youth).

A good way to do this is to learn a good self-hypnosis technique and learn to follow the path of a present problem or false idea backward (through similar events in your past where the same problem appeared) to the original event.

Meditation can be useful to achieve this mental state, too—whatever you do to put your body at rest, while maintaining conscious mental focus.

You will find your level of happiness increasing each time that you identify and do away with a present problem. You will also feel more “enlightened” with each jump in happiness. Your True Self is naturally happy, and it’s who you really are when you remove the trash you’ve collected in your mind—trash which obscures your view of yourself and life.


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