You’re welcome here.  Thank you for coming.

12 Responses to About

  1. paperplane says:

    LOVE your writings.

  2. kathy says:

    omg, the light bulb just went on for me. you explained this in a way that I trutly finally “get it” for the first time. Thank You for saving me!!!!

  3. upwards&onwards says:

    You’ve just blown my mind with an article i’ve just read. The one on Emotional Healing and the last statement in particular that Emotional Healing will one day rid the world of Evil. I want to brainstorm this idea of yours. We all know Narcissists are pure EVIL, we all know they aren’t full functional and EVIL, so seriously, if their was some way to lure (because we all know they wouldn’t come willingly, it would need to be made out to be their “idea”) but if there was a way, do you seriously think emotionally healing them from their past wounds, removing the negative energy from their pain bodies would be enough to rewire these distorted people’s nuro-pathways?

    • venbaxter says:

      Thank you for that kind comment. 🙂

      Our control of circumstances (which is really self-control, and I call it “dominion” when it extends beyond the self, like to our property and our own children) only extends so far. It stops where someone else’s dominion begins.

      We can’t emotionally heal someone else. It’s an inside job. It’s self-work. Part of the difficulty with interacting with Narcissists is that they refuse to admit that they have a problem, much less do the necessary introspection and brutal self-honesty that emotional healing requires.

      I wish I had the answer, or a magic bullet for a cure, but I don’t. The only way I know of to help these people heal–or even give them a chance to do so–is to stop enabling their dysfunction.

      This means cutting them off. The immediate reason is so that they stop spreading their negativity and dysfunction, but a longer-term and more subtle reason is that this is what HAS to happen before such a person might turn their attention (and blame or responsibility) inward to themselves and finally ask:

      “Am I the problem here?”

      All solutions come from that question, and true power–inner power, not outer–begins with taking personal responsibility for oneself.

      The unwillingness to do this is almost the definition of a Narcissist, as I understand it.

      Life has a way of doing this automatically with an honest person. So the question might be, “How does a Narcissist become honest?” My best answer is, “By experiencing the pain of having no Narcissistic Supply.”

      Thank you for reading!


      • Carla Hatley says:

        I feel sad. My Father has most always told me and my children I was the problem, My Mother as well. Severe verbal abuse, and physical at times . It was awful, He would start arguments at visits with the children,, and then he would have them all wondering and me crying . He and his third wife were blaming me for something, anything would do. Same with my Mom, I was too skinny, anorexic, decorated and made over my house too much, then not enough and she reported me for my house not being clean enough, and got my children taken away with the help of my ex. I never looked good enough, and having a disability she contributed so much to the MS society, she was important. Yet after my chemo tc, she came over, and got up in my face threatening me and shaking her fists right at my face trying to scare and intimidate me. All this after I just got home from a chemo tx, and was very nauseated. Oh god, then she and my Dad(and his wife and her boyfriend) became best buddies with my abusive ex, Then come the trial, where she lies and testifies against me. . ,

      • venbaxter says:

        That sounds like a nightmare, Carla. I’m sorry to hear of such pain and difficulty, and I hope that things have improved for your children since these incidents.

        Thank you for sharing your experiences.

  4. Carla Hatley says:

    These truths hurt. their abuse hurt worse, I just did not want to admit it. I don’t want to even go to my daughters graduation, or visit them.

    • venbaxter says:

      Hi, Carla. Sometimes we have to choose what’s more important. Sometimes, in the process, we discover a boundary that we didn’t have before but we can define and enforce now.

      Sometimes we have to consider who is the most important person in the situation and do what’s right by that person, even if it takes a bit of temporary sacrifice.

      In all cases, our own well-being is still important–and our children’s, even more so.

      Thank you for commenting. I wish you well. ❤

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