There is a way out of your pain and suffering.
Get by yourself and grieve. Cry until you can’t cry anymore. Yell and howl and curl up and pound the floor. Feel your pain completely. Again, be alone. Give yourself a lot of time alone to do this. Do it more than once if you have to. Sink until you hit bottom. Then something interesting will happen: you’ll start to come back up. I have good news for you! The bottom is solid.
It doesn’t matter what you do after doing this. You’ll be better.